Hi friend,

This week’s guest found me on Instagram. She posted a reel that said something like “follow me and I’ll follow you,” so I did, and I’m so glad. I had never interviewed anyone with her name before, so this was a first for the show. Monica joined me from Calgary, Alberta, adding to the growing list of Canadians I have on the podcast.

She’s a mom to a 5-year-old, a wife, and a full-time business systems analyst. In her words, she’s a software problem solver. (I told her we basically do the same job.) This time, we talked about what it means to choose a name for yourself.

The name she wanted to be a surprise.

When I asked if she knew what her name meant, Monica said no, and that she had intentionally kept it a surprise until our conversation. Monica comes from Latin and means advisor or one who advises, with related meanings of to warn or to remind. The first few letters connect to a Greek word meaning alone, single, or solitary. The name peaked in the United States in 1977, ranking 39th among newborn girl names in the 1970s. She describes herself as more of an extrovert, so solitary surprised her at first. Then she thought about it.

Eight schools by ninth grade.

Monica was born in China and moved around a lot because of her parents’ work. By ninth grade, she had attended eight different schools. She made plenty of friends along the way. But every time a friendship started to go deeper, she was moving again. She doesn’t have any friends from childhood. So while she has many friends, part of her has always carried a sense of being alone. The advisor part didn’t surprise me at all. On her Instagram, she has a real gift for explaining things and teaching people, including openly sharing what she learned after taking one of her reels down.

Then she asked a question no guest has asked me before.

Monica wanted to know if the last three letters of her name meant anything. I looked it up right there on the call. In some traditions, ika means the one who brings joy. Her response: that’s definitely going to shape her personality moving forward. A name chosen from the back of a dictionary. Monica got her name at age 12, when her family moved to Canada. Back in China, her English teacher had assigned her an English name she never liked, partly because she and her parents struggled to pronounce the TH sound. Moving to Canada felt like her chance to start fresh. Her family was staying in a homestay with other people, and her parents asked around for ideas. One grandma pulled out a dictionary, flipped to the list of English names in the back, and had her parents go through them until they found one they could pronounce. Monica was it. Her birth name is Meng, which means dream. When I searched it, I also found eldest or firstborn, which she said is fitting too. Today she feels more connected to Monica because she has used it so much longer. But when she sees her Chinese name, she instinctively knows that is also her.

The one name that was never an option.

In high school, Monica wished her parents had named her Angela. She didn’t know the meaning. She just thought it was a cute name. Here’s the twist. Because her Chinese name starts with M, her parents only looked at English names that also started with M. There was never any way she could have been Angela. After high school, she made her peace with Monica. And now? If she were ever forced to change her name, she said she would read through name meanings, find the kind of person she wants to become, and name herself after that person.

Does a name shape who we become?

Monica said she never thought about it before, but now that she knows her name’s meaning, yes, it does shape how she acts. On name changes in the Bible, she made a point I loved. She stated that the Bible doesn’t include information that isn’t meaningful. So if a name change is recorded there, it must matter.

Can you judge someone by their name?

Monica turned the questions around on me, and they were good ones. She asked if I ever look up name meanings to decide which friend to call for a certain situation. I don’t. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to stay open-minded and flexible with the people I meet. A name’s meaning doesn’t define how someone will treat me. Then she asked whether a hiring manager should look at name meanings to decide who fits a team. My answer was a clear no. That’s making a judgment in advance, and it’s a form of prejudice. Research already shows people get prejudged based on names associated with a particular race, and that names can affect how successful people are. That’s unfair, and name meanings shouldn’t add to it. Monica shared that she has applied for jobs under both her maiden name and her married name, and she thinks she may have noticed a small difference. Time, experience, and other factors play a role too, but it left her curious about what people see in a name.

If you’ve only got five minutes…

- 01:37 What the name Monica means in Latin and Greek

- 06:54 How an English name was chosen from a dictionary at age 12

- 10:15 Why wanting a different name was limited by the letter M

- 12:22 How knowing a name’s meaning can shape behavior

- 19:12 Should hiring managers judge candidates by their names

Two things to try this week…

1. Look up every part of your name. Monica already knew her name was hers. She didn’t know the last three letters had a meaning of their own. Look up your first name, middle name, and even the pieces of them. You might find something new.

2. Ask someone how they got their name. Especially someone who goes by a different name than the one on their birth certificate, or who grew up between cultures. The story behind a chosen name can tell you a lot about who someone is.

Thank you, Monica, for finding me, for your honesty, and for turning the questions back around on me. Most people I interview have lived with their name for decades without knowing what it means. As Monica put it, she was one of them. Not anymore.

Until next time,

Jayma (aka your "Paradigm Shifter")