What's in the name... Melissa

Hi friend,

This past week’s guest is someone I met on Instagram, and she was one of the easiest people I’ve ever scheduled. Even when our connection kept freezing, she jumped off Wi-Fi and dialed in from her phone so we could keep going. That tells you a lot about her before we even get to her name.

Melissa joined me from her home in Indianapolis, Indiana. She describes herself as an empty nester at 55, trying to figure life out. I love her account, and I was so grateful to come across it. This time, we talked about family, nicknames, and growing into a name.

The name her grandmother made special.

Melissa didn’t Google her name before our conversation. The only thing she remembered being told as a young girl was that it meant "queen bee".

She was close. Melissa is Greek and means "honeybee".

I looked up what bees symbolize, and the list fit her well. Across many cultures, bees represent hard work and steady focus, gathering nectar rain or shine. A thriving hive stands for teamwork, cooperation, and shared purpose. Honey has long been a symbol of abundance and life’s earned rewards. And the stinger is a reminder to protect your home and your energy.

Her reaction: a lot of it describes her. As her kids would say, she’s relentless, always pushing a little bit.

And the bees follow her everywhere. She has a gold bee her husband just bought her, bee napkins, and cups with bees on them. She doesn’t overly collect, she says. They just find her.

Big Missy and Little Missy.

Melissa learned the queen bee meaning around age 8 or 9, and there’s a reason it stuck. She was named after her aunt.

Her grandmother always talked about what a special name it was and how lucky Melissa was to share it with her aunt. Growing up, Melissa went by "Missy". Her aunt was Big Missy, and she was Little Missy. The Big Bee and the Little Bee.

Her grandmother always called her queen bee, even though the meaning is honeybee. Melissa thinks that may have been her grandmother’s way of making her feel extra special. It worked.

The trip to Hawaii that never happened.

When Melissa’s mom was pregnant with her, the third and last child, her grandfather made her parents an offer. If they had a boy and named him Charles, after him, he would give them a trip to Hawaii.

When Melissa was born, her dad called her grandfather and told him he could forget that Charlie s***. Ha!

Her grandfather never let it go, in the most loving way. For the rest of his life, until he passed away when she was about 21 or 22, he called her CS. She still has handwritten calligraphy letters from him with CS written at the top. Some of them spell out the full phrase.

Because of him, Melissa wished her name was Charlie for years. She can understand why her parents didn’t choose it 55 years ago, and she thinks it would be much more accepted for a girl today.

But if she were forced to change her name now? She wouldn’t pick Charlie. Maybe Genevieve, her grandmother’s name, which she has always loved. Mostly, she said, she would just be very sad.

The monogram she never got.

Melissa was not given a middle name. Her mom wanted her to use her maiden name as her middle name once she married.

That meant growing up with only two initials. When everyone had monogrammed sweaters with three prominent letters, Melissa’s just said Missy. She hated that sweater.

Her first name has never been mispronounced, though people do like to add an extra L or drop one of the S’s.

Feeling like she could get through anything.

When I asked whether her name’s meaning has shaped how she acts, Melissa said being called queen bee growing up made her feel like a leader. She always felt capable of doing anything, and like she could get through anything.

On why the Bible mentions God changing Abram to Abraham and Sarai to Sarah, she wondered if God felt their original names weren’t strong enough for who they were meant to become.

She also pointed out how often names change by accident on birth certificates. Her husband’s name is Bryon, spelled B-R-Y-O-N. You’d expect it to be pronounced Byron, but it’s Brian.

Then she turned the questions on me.

Melissa had listened to an earlier episode where I talked about not liking my name growing up, and she asked if that changed how I named my kids.

It absolutely did. I wanted names for Jake and Natalie that were strong and beautiful and wouldn’t be mispronounced. They mostly haven’t been, but there have been one or two times when someone got it so wrong that all I could think was, really? How did you do that?

Melissa added something I hadn’t thought much about. Naming a son can be harder, because he typically keeps those initials forever. Women often have options when they marry: keep the name, change it, or hyphenate. A man usually carries the name he was given for life.

She also asked whether I would change my name today. In high school, I wanted to go by my middle name because it felt simpler and didn’t get mispronounced. Now that I understand my name and have embraced it, I wouldn’t change it.

Melissa summed it up perfectly. You might dislike your name for years. But by the time someone asks if you’d ever change it, it has become you. You grow with it, and you learn to love it.

Two things to try this week…

1. Ask an elder about your name. Melissa’s grandparents gave her name its story: her grandmother’s queen bee and her grandfather’s CS. If someone in your family is still around who remembers how you got your name or your nickname, ask them this week.

2. Look past the definition. Melissa means honeybee, but the symbolism of a bee is what really described her: hard work, community, sweetness, and boundaries. Look up the symbol behind your name’s meaning. That’s often where you see yourself.

Thank you, Melissa, for your patience with the connection, your stories, and your great questions. You’re proof that a name you once wanted to trade can become the one you’d be sad to lose.

Until next time,

Jayma (aka your "Paradigm Shifter")